Dear Dr. Date,

I only become a Greek Life person once a year — homecoming. So yeah, Saturday I spend fifteen straight hours bouncing between houses, what about it? I was with some friends the whole time and we had a great experience without watching a single minute of football. My friend’s mom was in town, so even she came along to some of the parties! (Weird, I know, but she’s a total MILF.) Jungle juice and hot moms, what could be better?

Well, when those two things are combined … you end up sleeping with your friend’s mom. We were discussing 80s music (I love it, she lived through it), drinking vodka and Kool-Aid, etc. Not going to lie, it was pretty great, and it’s not like she’s still married! I don’t think there’s a huge problem — but one of my friends walked in on us going at it in a frat basement closet, and he’s threatening to tell my friend. 

I want to see his mom again, but I’m scared my friend will murder me. What can I do?

Sincerely,

Stacy’s Mom

Dear Stacy’s Mom,

Establish dominance. Marry her and become his stepdad.

If it’s really a big deal, just admit you had sex with her to your friend. It’s gross and weird and yes you may lose him as a friend, but you’ve gained a new appreciation for having sex in frat basements. 

Seriously though, doesn’t friend code include not having sex with your friend’s family members? Stop now before you find yourself hitting up your friend’s siblings.

Sincerely,

Dr. Date