Dear Dr. Date,

When I made my Tinder profile, I put the typical things in my bio: major, music tastes, height, etc. Well, I kind of put … another measurement in there. I purposefully exaggerated, so girls would think it was a joke. Seriously, who thinks a college dude has a 9 inch … thing?

Anyway, I met a girl through Tinder and after going out on a couple dates, she and I decided to spend the night at my place. Things were going great, and we were getting down to business when she LAUGHED. As in, hold your hands out and show what nine inches would be laughed. Even worse, she then said “Nine inches? You’d be lucky if that was 4!” Needless to say, nothing else happened and now I’m incredibly self-conscious. I didn’t think she would believe me in the first place, but an insult like that has crippled my manhood. How can I get over this?

Sincerely,

A Little Worried

Dear A Little Worried,

You … found a girl on Tinder? After a bio like that? Size aside, I’m incredibly shocked you got any matches by putting that measurement in your bio. For the majority of girls, that’s a major turn-off.

Anyway, don’t exaggerate anything in your Tinder bio. If you say you’re 6’4” and you’re only 5’9”, girls who find height important are going to be very disappointed. There’s no upside to this. 

Instead, under-exaggerate everything. Write that you’re 4’3” and 2 inches, then the girl will laugh and think it’s a joke about how everyone on Tinder writes their measurements. Alternatively, they’ll believe you, like you no matter what and be surprised when you meet up?

But when it comes to the present, reassure yourself that she was only disappointed because she expected double the size. And next time, keep it out of your bio.

Sincerely,

Dr. Date