Dear Dr. Date,

New year, new hookup! This Tinder guy and I have had a lot of fun during winter break, but now that school’s about to start, I’m ready to get a little more serious. My friends are back in town, so we all went out drinking last weekend so they could meet (judge) my new guy. No labels, but I think this could actually be something. 

Things were going well, the alcohol was flowing and my friends seemed to approve. We were talking about free therapy sessions (we’re emotional drunks) and my not-boyfriend brought up Boynton and how he didn’t find their services useful. I thought he was going to follow that with “I just wish they were open on weekends” or something, but instead? “They hand out all those free condoms, but why don’t they account for those of us who are much bigger? Seriously, they’re way too small! Why don’t they hand out free Magnums instead?”

Criiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinge. I physically watched my friends’ approval go from a solid six to a flat zero. I was HUMILIATED — look, he’s a little bigger than average, but do you need to point that out and brag about it?

I’m not sure if it’s worth staying with this guy. What if he says that to my parents?! What should I do?

Sincerely,

Magnum Douche 

Dear Magnum Douche,

If he was drinking and said something dumb about his size, I can’t fault him a ton for that.  However, if he keeps bringing it up and said he doesn’t regret bragging about it, that’s a red flag. Tell him he needs to buy his own condoms and to keep his size to himself — otherwise, he’ll be advertising his purchases on a new Tinder bio.

Sincerely,

Dr. Date