Dear Dr. Date.

I have an interesting predicament. My boyfriend just keeps coming home with phallic-shaped foods! First, it was a bunch of cucumbers, then carrots, zucchini, squash — if it is even slightly shaped like genitalia, my boyfriend has bought it in the past week. I asked why so many veggies, and he just said they looked good! I’m worried he’s subconsciously trying to tell me something sexual, but I’m not sure if I’m reading into things. Any ideas?

Sincerely, 

In a Pickle

Dear In a Pickle,

Just look up some recipes and make vegetable soup before he comes home. If he seems irrationally upset, you’ll know your answer. If you’re both cool with the other use though, I suggest you invest in something that doesn’t cost 99 cents and will give you an infection!

Sincerely,

Dr. Date