Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

Serving the UMN community since 1900

The Minnesota Daily

Daily Email Edition

Get MN Daily NEWS delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday!


Dr. Date: I’m having Anthony Fauci role play problems.

Managing a partner’s “public health risk” kink during a global pandemic.

Dear Dr. Date,

My girlfriend and I have been weathering lockdown together since March of last year, and I can’t believe how close it’s made us. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone as much as I love her, and I feel like I’ve never known myself better than I do when she’s around. Which is dope.

But last week, she told me we need to spice things up in the open-concept-bedroom.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for diversity and inclusivity in every respect. But when she suggested “public health roleplay,” I was a little thrown.

At first, it was nothing serious. Once, she pretended our kitchen was the Dinky Target and walked around without a mask on, while I was supposed to be the cashier who had to kick her out. Another time she sent me camera roll Snaps of her partying on Frat Row so I would cyberbully her.

I’m starting to get worried now, though. She started calling me “Daddy Fauci” on Thursday and keeps threatening to go stand in line at Sally’s. What do I do?

Safe, sane and six-feet-apart

Dear Safe, sane, and six-feet-apart,

While I definitely don’t advocate kinkshaming generally, I think this instance might prove an exception to my rule. College is definitely the time to find yourself; I’d be more worried about the novel human virus finding you first.

Yes, it is good to support local businesses. And yes, a (properly negotiated) kink is always something partners should feel comfortable exploring with one another. However, I don’t think the combination of the three is something Gov. Tim Walz and the legislators had in mind when lifting COVID restrictions. No, in this case, I think your girlfriend was a little too preoccupied with whether or not she could, and she didn’t stop to think if she should.

Next time, might I suggest a saucy “special Doordash delivery tip” scene instead?

Dr. Date

Are you romantically bewildered? Are you sexually consternated, and is your relationship status a little too complicated? Want advice from the Minnesota Daily’s in-house love doctor? Email Dr. Date at [email protected].

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Accessibility Toolbar

Comments (0)

All The Minnesota Daily Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *