Dear Dr. Date,

I recently DMed this girl on Instagram who’s in one of my classes. I thought she was super interesting and gave off a cool vibe. Her responses were curt, and when I asked her if she wanted to go on a date, she told me that she had a boyfriend. But here’s the thing: I don’t see a boyfriend on her social media, and her tagged photos don’t feature any special someone.

She’s lying to me, and I’m pissed. How can I get back at her for the lie?

Signed,
DMed then derided

Dear DMed then derided,

Maybe the first thing you should do is process what just happened. It doesn’t matter whether or not she has a boyfriend. If her responses are curt, and she didn’t seem interested, she probably wasn’t interested. Would you rather have her tell you that explicitly or will a simple lie suffice? Which will bruise your ego less? I’m thinking it’s the white lie.

When things don’t go our way, sometimes we’ll externalize our suffering onto others involved. That’s what you seem to be doing. Is it her fault she isn’t interested? No. Is it your fault that she might have a boyfriend? No. So what’s the use of expending mental energy over it?

Maybe this girl is lying, maybe she isn’t. Either way, you shouldn’t try to get back at her for not being interested. That’s petty, immature and an unhealthy mechanism for coping with sadness. Also, it’s giving me misogyny vibes. Do better. Not everybody is going to want to go on a date with you, and that’s fine. There’s no need to be mad about it. Find someone else to DM.

Sincerely,
Dr. Date

Are you romantically bewildered? Are you sexually consternated, and is your relationship status a little too complicated? Want advice from the Minnesota Daily’s in-house love doctor? Email Dr. Date at [email protected].