Dear Dr. Date, 

Recently, my best friend got dumped by her crappy boyfriend, whom I never liked. Ever since the relationship began, I knew it would be troublesome. I’ve spent months telling her to cut him off before he does the deed, and then — you guessed it — he did the deed. It’s all she talks about as if it weren’t completely and entirely expected. I’m tired of picking up the pieces. 

I’ve tried so long to be a voice of reason in her life, but I can’t any longer. It’s been months of the same disappointments piled on top of each other. I want to support her, but this is getting mentally taxing. 

How do I make space for myself while also supporting her through her breakup? 

Signed, 

Stop talking about that boy

Dear Stop talking about that boy

Being there for someone else through thick and thin is what a friendship is all about. But if this becomes too consuming for you, try to find activities for both of you to do that distract you and her from the topics of love and heartbreak. 

While it’s important for friends to support one another, there’s also an urge for her to find professional help if that’s in her bandwidth. Our friends are not our therapists; they are complementary support systems. 

Most importantly, give yourself some time away from her, so that when you are supporting her, you have the mental capacity to do so. You cannot fill up someone else’s mental gas tank if you yourself haven’t replenished your own. 

Sincerely, 

Dr. Date