So, Reddit, I (F18) had a rough couple of days and have been settling a few dilemmas that have made me really re-evaluate my moral fortitude. I’ve been kept up with nightmares that have been keeping my boyfriend (M67) up at night. Since he thinks women should be seen and not heard, my distress has been causing irreparable damage to my relationship. I was hoping some internet strangers could weigh in. 

I am a novice trolley operator. I also moonlight as an emergency surgeon, often providing care while operating the streetcar. I’ve been doing this since the beginning of last month, and as a result of my intense schedule, I often run low on sleep. It’s not exactly the ideal setup, but it’s something I’m doing in the interim because I think this work is beneath me. I’m just trying to diversify my crypto investments so I can start a content house. Luckily, my partner keeps me company during my long shifts because he is retired and gets bored. Sometimes he helps me with surgery even though he doesn’t believe in germ theory. 

I’ll cut to the chase here, because believe me, this is a doozy. 

The other day, I was driving on my usual track, as I do multiple times per shift. I was on the phone with my high school best friend (F20) discussing what we were going to do over the weekend, given that she would have to wear an ankle monitor as a result of her burglary charge. She stole candy from a baby last year. I was trying to find activities we could both feasibly do when I reached a fork in the road, so to speak. 

There were two alternate paths. My best friend, with whom I had just been on the phone, was tied to one track, which she failed to mention. She said she was about to get to that, but since nobody really rides trolleys anymore, she didn’t think herself to be in any immediate danger. Four firefighters and Beyonce (F44) were tied to the other track. I had to make a snap judgment.

It took every ounce of reasoning I could conjure, but I really just couldn’t muster what little I had left to do it. I used my comically large joystick to switch tracks, ultimately sparing my best friend’s life and severely injuring the other five. I felt like I made the right decision, though, because I know her and didn’t really care for “Cowboy Carter.” 

Immediately after, my boyfriend looked up from his newspaper and started freaking out at me, saying things like “What have you done?” and “Have you never heard of the trolley problem?” I told him that I’d never heard of any trolley problems aside from the ones my manager brought up to me in training, and I felt adequately prepared for what my job entailed. I called him a misogynist for that comment and subsequently pushed him out of the moving vehicle. 

After that, I swiftly realized that I needed to perform emergency surgery on everyone I had run over. I decided that something needed to give because they all needed new organs. Which ones I wasn’t sure, but the more the merrier. I’m better at driving trolleys than I am at performing surgery at this point, and I was in shock. I just went with what my gut was telling me. I had one regular passenger on board, who didn’t really say anything and just read a copy of “On Liberty.” I asked if I could borrow his organs, and he said, “If it will maximize happiness,” whatever that meant. 

I took it as a “Yes” and gave transplants to all five of the people I’d run over. They all lived and it went off without a hitch.

I’m writing because I’ve been dealing with all sorts of unexpected repercussions. I got fired from both of my jobs, effective immediately after all of that went down, and reporters have been trying to contact me. Worst of all, my best friend found something else to do with her weekend, and I don’t know what to do with myself. My boyfriend won’t keep our Snapchat streak either. I haven’t received any job offers, but my inbox has been flooded with invitations to speak to college-level philosophy classes. I don’t know where I went wrong. 

So, Reddit, am I the a-hole for saving my best friend’s life at the expense of four firefighters and Beyonce, and then harvesting a stranger’s organs to save them? Please weigh in in the comments,
but be nice. I’m at capacity right now.