Hey girl! It’s been a while!! How was the retreat? Wow, this weather has been really something. Can you believe it?  

What you said about these times being “remarkably difficult” really resonated with me. Thank you so much for writing that. It was definitely the right move to give teachers the option to make classes hybrid — COVID throwback! Lol. 

Oh my gosh, I heard about those students who chained themselves to your office building! Are you OK? Do you feel safe? Do you feel the need to make a buddy system to walk across campus? I can pick you up some groceries at the Nutritious U Food Pantry if you’re scared of being harassed and interrogated just for leaving your house. 

And girl, you know I know how hard this must have been for you! Such a difficult position to be in. I really commend you on keeping the University of Minnesota so lowkey. You’re keeping our funding safe!! I mean, it’s sweet that other schools banded together to protect and preserve higher education, but your neutral, unaffected demeanor was totally giving cool girl. Love to see it. 

I just want to let you know, I’ve been having my ear to the ground, and there’s been grumbling. Like people have been talking sh—t, mostly about, you know, the ICE stuff. Sorry, I know I’m not supposed to directly say anything about it! But we’re besties, and as our friendship is built on transparency, I just had to loop you into all the tea people have been spouting this semester. 

You know me, I’m not one to keep these things from you. But some people are really upset, like chain-themselves-to-a-building-and-get-arrested upset, and they’re wondering why you weren’t confrontational toward federal agents. Girl! Don’t they know the mantra by now? Keep calm and don’t resist.  

I guess they felt you didn’t do enough to support your immigrant students or your students of color. They wanted you to explicitly state solidarity. I don’t get it, though. Your emails and statements were so sweet! About as effective as thoughts and prayers. <3

“Whether you are a Raptor, a Bulldog, an Eagle, a Cougar or a Gopher, lean into what it means to be a true Minnesotan and exhibit deep care for one another,” you wrote in your beginning-of-semester email.  

Oh, that’s the good stuff. 

And my gosh, all the extra labor on your job! I mean, being a University president is not even a political position; what did people expect you to do? Lead a freaking protest? Stand up to the president of the United States? Take meaningful actions that let your student body, faculty and staff feel cared for by you? You do not get paid that much.   

Anyway, some think that if you did make an anti-ICE scene, it would actually make some people uncomfortable. People might have felt stifled in their right to expression or even research and education if their views were opposite to those of the administration. But like you said in an email: “We can hold the space for dialogue while remaining grounded in respect for every member of our community.”

Who cares what the haters say, anyway? You’re the president! I do not doubt your devotion to this school. You, more than anyone, know how important it is to protect the safety of each and every dollar. We wouldn’t have education if we didn’t comply with the government that funds us!

Oh, I just want to say, the event for Alex Pretti was really beautiful. I heard he was such an amazing nurse, and the memo the University sent out was so touching. My only critique, and please don’t take this personally, Bex, is that I wish there were a violin performance! Opportunity missed!  

It would’ve been so scary if they came to campus, you know, the relatively untrained, armed, trigger-happy federal agents. Wow, could you imagine the uproar if they did? Really, what would you have done if federal agents came to campus and detained someone? Hopefully another nice email! 

At least you’re not who they’re targeting. But your presidential privilege made the call to shield us from being targets of the Trump administration, thank goodness. Oh, Rebecca, I am so happy I do not have your job. It seems way too stressful, truly. 

Well, that’s all from me! I hope you write back soon, but in the meantime, keep calm and don’t resist!

XOXO,

Your bestie